So how do you do that? If your ex wants space right now, you have to give him space. Your first instinct is going to be to want to get closer to him so that you can make him feel at ease in your presence. Truth be told, this would only make him feel more suffocated right now. The best thing you can do is actually to give him the space that he is forcefully putting between you.
Whatever the reason may be, he needs this space. When there is space between you and your love interest, you have the opportunity to shift the odds back into your favor. Sometimes, we reach a saturation point and we just need a breather.
Depending on how intense things got, this period could be either long or short. Your ex has taken control by pushing you away, but we are actually going to use a bit of reverse psychology. Yes, it is slightly manipulative which means that it should not be abused. We are going to begin using the no contact rule , which consists of cutting contact with your ex for anywhere from three weeks to three months the longer the better for more intense breakups.
Be honest with yourself — was it really working? Were your problems minor, or major? Were you completely fulfilled? Or were you constantly fighting incompatibilities? If you felt it, he did, too. Listen, some guys are just complete a-holes.
They use you for sex until they get bored, drop you like a hot potato, and move on. His behavior is so confusing to you — and to him, too, actually! You thought everything was going fine; what happened? And people change their minds.
That can happen to guys, sometimes. He is sorting his feelings out. This is a healthy distance he is taking, and you should understand and respect it, for the sake of both of you.
The worst thing you can do — for you and your relationship — is to freak out. So, instead of bombarding him with calls and texts, just play it cool. Give him that, and do your thing without wondering what this means for your relationship. The Real Reason. Your first impulse, when faced with the reality of a man who is pushing you away, is to get angry. Why is he being like this? Strong negative reactions will out you in a very negative and unflattering light.
Instead of jumping down his throat, practice offering support. We've all been there — you start dating someone and they act a bit too keen. They're messaging you at all hours , and cannot wait to meet up again. It can be a bit off-putting if someone is clearly over-stepping your boundaries , so it's understandable if you want to cut things off with them.
After all, it could be a warning sign. However, some people push others away more often than seems obviously justified. Sometimes it can feel like somebody loses interest even though things were going perfectly. If you feel someone pulling away once your relationship has started to get a little more serious, it could be because they have a fear of intimacy. Perpetua Neo, a psychotherapist and coach , told Business Insider that when people have anxiety in a relationship, it's about how they are going to perform in that relationship, and this extra layer of tension stops them from really being present.
In one way, this can be explained by perfectionism, of which there are two main types: productive and unproductive. The productive group get things done to a high level every time, whereas the unproductive types put things off and procrastinate. Perfectionist anxiety can sometimes be the root of intimacy fears, Neo said. It could be upbringing, it could be a difficult experience, or attachment, that can lead to stories about us, such as 'I'm not good enough,' 'I'm not worthy,' 'I'm unlovable.
When you are run by these stories, Neo said, it is very hard to be intimate, because intimacy requires vulnerability. If you always fear being unlovable or unworthy, you are always on your best behaviour, which translates to great standards, perfectionism, and anxiety. This means you cannot be vulnerable, and you cannot show who you really are. Neo said that a lot of research on attachment has involved children, as it is a pattern that develops as an infant that we are wired to have in order to survive.
The term "attachment theory" was first coined by British Psychologist John Bowlby in the 60s. His work established the idea that how a child develops depends heavily on their ability to form a strong relationship with at least one caregiver — usually a parent. Neo said that as a species, humans are very slow to develop. Compared to something like a gazelle, which is walking within a few minutes, it takes us over a year to get to that stage.
We can barely do anything on our own as an infant, which is why we have evolved attachment behaviours in order to survive. This attachment to the person who cared for us influences our attachment behaviours once we have grown up.
Neo said these behaviours can either be secure or insecure, depending on how your relationship was with your caregiver. So if you have a secure pattern of attachment, it's easy for relationships because you can be intimate. However, if you had a tough upbringing during these early attachment stages, you're more likely to develop an insecure pattern of relationships. For example, if a parent is dismissive or angry when their child is upset, this leads to them to believe their feelings are negative and will be punished.
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